The Idiot’s Guide To Everyday Life


Parents who are just too much….
8.May.06, 15:45 pm
Filed under: Friends & Fam, Our Little Nest, Rants

I’m 29 years old. I’ve got two wonderful children. I have honestly gotten the best examples in my life of what NOT-TO-DO when parenting.

My father left my mother before I was born. End of story with him. He was a loser who did the same thing to another woman- hence, my half-brother in NY who I didn’t know about until I was 17.

My mother remarried when I was 2, he adopted me, they split up when I was six. Now, this guy is a long story. The way he tells the story, when my mom and I moved back to Oklahoma for the divorce and he finally got visitation rights, he claims my mom just moved off and wouldn’t let me see him. The problem with that version of the story is that I was six years old, not three. I remember things a little differently. I remember the last time he took me for a weekend visit…. and I remember the time he just didn’t show up….. ever…. again. He stopped coming around more than a year before we moved from the apartment we’d been in. I didn’t see him again until I was 18 and engaged to be married, and that’s only after I looked him up. He had moved on, was remarried, and acted like he’d been looking for me all my life, but in reality, my mom lived less than 30 minutes away from his parents, and he’d known where my great-grandmother had lived the whole time, so he could have asked her. He just didn’t.

When I was 20, and married my worthless ex, we moved to Texas to be closer to my dad (for reasons I can’t quite remember now). He and his wife ran a roach-motel efficiency apt building for a slum-lord attorney in North Texas. We stayed in one of the rooms there in the building for about a month, until we both had jobs and were able to find a place of our own. (I’m sorry, but living someplace that makes you financially responsible to a relative just seems like a bad idea to me, and I didn’t want to live in those roach-infested rooms.) When we went to move out, my dad padlocked our room and tried to steal everything we owned so he could pawn it for money for drugs, pain killers, and alcohol (he was addicted to all three). I, in turn, turned them into the attorney who owned the place for having tenants living there who were not on the books, who paid cash each week for their rent, and then keeping the cash for themselves. I did not speak to them for 10 years. I ran into them in mid-March and they acted like nothing had ever happened between us and like they were so happy to see me. They’ve been sweet to me and to my kids. They’ve helped me out a lot while I’ve been sick and in need of surgery. They’ve watched the kids while I had to go to the ER and while I wasn’t feeling well. I’ve appreciated that, and I’ve enjoyed spending time with them now that they’re clean and sober and I don’t have to worry about the drugs or drinking.

The problem is, even though they’re both on disability so they bring in about twice as much in a month as we do, they call us every weekend and beg for money for cigarettes or soda or other misc shit that isn’t necessary. We don’t smoke, I do not buy cigs for ppl, plain and simple. If it was groceries, I could understand. That’s a necessity. Cigarettes are not. If it was a one-time thing, I could handle it. But this is an every weekend thing, and it’s pissing me off. They know we’re broke, they loaned us money to help us with the car pymt this week because my check was short, so they know how tight things are. When he called last night while I was cooking dinner and begged for cigs again, I just flat didn’t call him back. When I told him I was busy, he’s like, “Well, could you just run them by?” That irritated the fuck out of me. No, I could NOT just run them by, I was cooking dinner for my family. Dale doesn’t even smoke, not only because I have asthma, but also because we can’t afford it!!! My step-mom is on oxygen and has COPD from years of smoking, they don’t need to be smoking, and he’s about to get evicted by my uncle because they don’t want them smoking in their rental house, but he still does it. I’m getting so pissed off at him I can’t stand it!!!!

Ok….. onto the other “Parent” I’m pissed at….

Dale’s mother.

She’s babied him his entire life. He lived at home with his mom and dad until he was 30. She would probably have wiped his ass for him if he’d asked her to. When we got together she acted like she was so happy for us and like she just loved me to death, but then the manipulative bitch would go behind our backs and do everything she could to break us up. He hadn’t had a job in 2 years when we got together, so she asked me to talk to him about getting a job. Then, when I did, she told him he shouldn’t feel “pressured by me to get a job”. Two-faced, manipulative bitch. Everytime we’d have a problem, be it financial or otherwise, she’d say, “Well, he could always move back home. He doesn’t have to pay rent or bills here.” Bullshit. She couldn’t let go, but he was ready to be out, and she constantly complained that her husband wanted him to move out too. Anything she has done to help us out she has held over our heads like we just owe her our entire existence and should bow down and kiss her ass. No way in hell. When we started planning our wedding, she would get mad and huffy and just couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to just have a bbq in her backyard and didn’t see the point in spending money for a wedding. Oh well, it’s not her fucking wedding, it’s none of her fucking business. When we were planning to move to the North side of OKC, she didn’t want him to move so far away, so she found a mobile home here in Moore and bought it and had us move in and start paying her back for it just so we wouldn’t move away. We’re now 8 blocks from the bitch. She has a key to our house, and uses it anytime she feels like it. I’m so sick of it. I’m working at home as a transcriptionist for Dale’s sister-in-law and his mom is constantly calling me and calling her about it, asking if I”m working, trying to find out how much I’m making or how much work I’m doing, etc. It’s none of her damn business. When I finally put my foot down about that, she told me I’m nothing but a user, that I’ve just used her from the day Dale and I got together. I went off on her. I told her in no uncertain terms that she is NOT to use her key to come into our house again, I told her she’s about the most self-righteous, pathological, manipulative bitch I’ve ever met, who takes every chance she can get to talk behind everyone’s back that she knows, including her own family members. She tried to lie to get out of that one until I gave her detailed examples. I told her to get out of our business, to keep her nose where it belongs, and that we wouldn’t put up with it anymore. End of story.

Dale finally backed me up after 2 1/2 years of putting up with her shit. When we got together I was a pretty strong person, but after having her wear on my nerves for that long, I was to my breaking point. I just couldn’t take it anymore. When I tried to stand up for us and she told me I was nothing but a user, I finally just went off on her. We haven’t heard from her in a week, since the night it all happened, and I’m really relieved. She called several times a day or just showed up several times a week before, and now we finally have some peace and quiet.

I am so thankful for this quiet. I need some rest. I’ve got to have surgery on my gall bladder this week, and then the surgeon thinks I’ll probably still need treatment or surgery for ulcers, if that doesn’t give an indication of the stress I’ve been living with. (And this isn’t including the shit I put up with from my ex and his lardass GF.) I’ll be so glad when the divorce is final!!

Hooray for a week without Linda!

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