The Idiot’s Guide To Everyday Life

Dallas…. among other things
26.Jun.06, 17:03 pm
Filed under: Goals, Hopes, Plans

I met some of the most wonderful people on Saturday while I was visiting Sara in my future home (Dallas). I swear, Oklahoma is completely full of losers (except for me and my kids of course, lmao).

I cannot breathe here. Oklahoma stifles me, I can't think, I can't be creative here. There is no culture. There are no big cities, it is just a clusterfuck of rednecks and small towns all shoved together in one place. I'll be so happy to be gone.

I love Dale, honestly, but I am wondering if I love him enough to deal with this anymore. We want different things. We have different goals. Well, I have goals, he says he does, but then does nothing about them. He wants to do something with his art, he wants to have a gallery showing, or own a studio, or anything, but he will NEVER do that here. There is no market for his art in OKC. Never will be. The con's are the only place he'd be welcome with it, or comic book stores. And he doesn't even make an effort to make contacts for his work. He bitches about his deadend job, but does nothing to look for more. He will be perfectly happy to live here under his mother's thumb for the rest of his life. I refuse to be that way.

In some ways, Dale is very open minded. When he was in his early to mid 20s he was heavy into the drug/party scene. He is open minded when it comes to drugs and drinking, etc. I have gay friends, and they like to hang out in the gayberhood, and he turns up his nose at the thought of it. I can't stand narrowmindedness like that. What right does he have, just because he's straight, to downplay someone else's choices for happiness? At least they're being who they are, and not just sitting on their asses doing nothing! His friends barely even come around or call him!!!

I just want to be me. I can't be me here. I want a life, and I never leave the house here. I need to get out on my own and find some peace. I will never have that if I stay in this relationship, in this city, in this fucking state.

I'm ready to go. Just gotta find a job and then get my shit.


Car issues resolved….. sort of.
20.Jun.06, 20:57 pm
Filed under: Tidbits About My Life

Ok, my car issues may be resolved. I have already put about $3k into the Ford Focus, and would have lost my trade if I sent it back, not to mention having it look like a repo on my credit, so I've come to some new terms with the dealer I bought it from.

1. They're going to get me a new copy of the title. 2. For the next 3 months, they're going to let me pay $100/mo instead of $400/mo so I can use the rest of the money to pay for the tag. 3. Once I have the tag done, they're going to re-write my loan and lower the pymts for me.

This works for me. I have been paying out the nose on this car and we're already having a few problems with it, but I don't want to lose everything I've put into it- not to mention that I can't get another car loan with it on my credit right now. I've made every pymt, but it's a big drain on my credit to have that much still owed.

With all of those pymts, I haven't been able to afford to tag the car, so it's 6 months out of date. It was either pay for the car, or tag it. So now I can finally get it legal again. Thank Buddah or something.

Now I just need to get a new insurance dealer with cheaper rates!

Having People You Can Count On
13.Jun.06, 18:00 pm
Filed under: Friends & Fam, Rants, Tidbits About My Life

I pride myself on being a strong, independent person most of the time. I am in a commited relationship, but I don't depend on Dale to make me who I am. The only problem is, it's nice to have family you can count on when you really need someone.

We bought a car in November from a little used car dealer here in Moore. Big mistake. We traded our minivan, which was paid off but having serious mechanical problems, for a 2000 Ford Focus. I thought this was a good trade. We were paying almost $400/mo, but we were told that after 6 months they'd work with us to re-write our loan and lower the pymts. It's been 6 months, and it's not happening. We're starting to have problems with this car now too, and they have YET to get us a title so we can even tag the thing, so it's illegal as hell right now.

We've gone to just about every dealership in OKC/Norman/MWC in the last week and every one of them said that with that car still on our credit, they can't approve a second car loan right now with our combined incomes because of me working from home and not being able to prove my income very well, and because of his bankruptcy. They all said we need a cosigner. We called all of our parents- both sides, both sets. Not a single one will co-sign for us. My mother GAVE my step-sister her minivan when she got her new trailblazer, but I'm not my stepsisters. Chris even let the tag and insurance lapse on the minivan while it's still in my mom's name so now they're fining my mom for it, and because of that she won't cosign for me. (I'M NOT CHRISTIE!!!) Dale's mom and step-dad have 2 new car pymts right now, so they can't, and his dad won't co-sign because his wife will only co-sign for her son. My dad is disabled, and just applied for section 8 housing assistance, so he can't cosign or he'll lose his section 8.

Basically, we're fucked. I am turning the Focus back in to the dealership and telling them to take their mess and shove it up their asses, because I refuse to pay $400/mo for a car I'm already having problems with. I'm sick of their shit. But we now only have the little pickup, and we can't drive around in just that with both kids, so we're screwed!!

I don't know what in the hell to do. When I see friends who have parents who are there for them when they need them, I am so jealous. My mom has never been there like that for me, and my dad….. well…. he's there for himself most of the time, and that's about all you can expect from him. I don't have anyone else in my family I can go to because they all look down their noses at me, thanks to my mother and her lovely lies when I was a teenager. I don't know what else to do. I'm so frustrated right now I'm about to explode. What in the hell do I do now????

My daughter the stylist…
8.Jun.06, 19:27 pm
Filed under: My Munchkins, Our Little Nest

Josie found the scissors last night. Her beautiful strawberry-blonde hair has grown long since birth. Luckily, she didn't cut the back of it. I've only cut her bangs before, so she cut those like Mommy does. There's a two-inch wide section in the center of her bangs that she snipped off to the root. She even tidied up, put all the hair in the trash, put the scissors back where she got them. I wouldn't have known it happened if I hadn't looked at her head!!

My poor little girl, her hair is so pretty, and she chopped off the part RIGHT IN FRONT!!! I was going to take the kids to get their pictures taken this weekend. So much for that idea. I guess I'll just have to trim the rest of her bangs a little shorter so it won't look quite so bad until it grows back out. Guess I'd better move where I keep the scissors!

My Best Friend is Moving Away :(
7.Jun.06, 15:29 pm
Filed under: Friends & Fam

I know I should be happy for her, and I am, truely. My best friend is moving back to Dallas today to go to Law School and start her great new job with the Democratic Party, and I'm going to miss her SO MUCH!!

Sara, have a safe drive, and I hope you really enjoy your new apartment and new job. If you need anything, don't hesitate to call. I'll always be here! Visit soon!!!!

My night at The Loony Bin…. and then some.
3.Jun.06, 20:53 pm
Filed under: Friends & Fam, Funny Shit, Tidbits About My Life

Last night I went out with my best friend, Sara, and her husband Mike to The Loony Bin Comedy Club. We had dinner at Chelino's on the way there – had to see their fave gay Mexican waiter – and then went for some laughs. We had a great time at the club, but at 1am, none of us were ready to head home yet. Bored in OKC. Oh joy.

I'd never been to a strip club before. They decided they needed to remedy that situation. You must understand, I'm not shy myself, but I just don't feel the need to stare at strangers in the nude, unless it's on a screen in the privacy of my own home. Sara let Mike pick the place – we were all pretty short on cash, so we wanted someplace with no cover – and he chose what is probably the seediest joint in OKC. Valley of the Dolls on SE 59th. Only a few blocks from their house.

We walked in and the girl on stage, I shit you not, had a fat roll tucked into her g-string. Ewwwwww! I would have been perfectly happy walking in, and walking straight through to the exit, but they found a table and Sara and I got a drink. Another of the worst candidates for stripperdom I'd ever seen strolled up and asked us if we'd donate $1 to their music. We all said no, but then Sara & Mike told her it was my first time in a stripclub, so she proceeded to dance for me….. omfg. I could have gone all day and part of the next without that and been perfectly fine. She sat on my lap, right on my pocket, and I had my inhaler in it. I"m sure she hurt her ass, but didn't say anything. I laughed.

Mike and Sara finished smoking and we got up to leave. She told me in Dallas, the girls in the stripclubs at least wore makeup, fixed their hair up nice, and weren't fat like that. She has promised to take me to a REAL stripclub someday. LOL This is sad, considering I"m 5 yrs older than her.

Maybe one day I'll be as experienced as the younger kids! LMFAO

My hero
2.Jun.06, 19:30 pm
Filed under: Friends & Fam, Our Little Nest, Tidbits About My Life

Many people, when naming their hero will name their father. See previous post.

My hero is my great-grandmother, Mozell Hunter. She is 90-years-old, and sharp as a tack. We had to talk her out of mowing her own lawn 2 years ago after she got a pacemaker put in. (I don't mean with a riding mower, I mean with a PUSH mower!) She's strong and independent, and I don't know what I'd do without her.

My grandmother has outlived both parents, a brother, and 2 husbands, and in the almost 30 years I've been alive, I've never seen her cry. I've never heard her raise her voice in anger. I've never heard her call anyone a bad name or lash out. She never once spanked me growing up, though I probably deserved it. The closest she ever came was swatting my hands one time when I was about 7.

Out of everyone in my family, I can honestly say that my Granny is the one person who has NEVER given up on me, no matter what I've done in my life, no matter where I've gone, she's always been there for me and believed in me. She's always been the one I could talk to about anything, knowing she would never judge me. When my mother shipped me off as a teenager, Granny called her on the phone and laid into her good. I wish I could have been a fly on the wall for that conversation! She was the only one who stood up for me. She doesn't get mad often or easily, but she cannot stand my step-thing for the way he has treated me and my mother, but my mother puts up with it willingly, so she doesn't say anything to my mother about it.

When I was in my car accident in 1996, she was at the hospital before the ambulence got ME there! And her sister, Nadene, told me that she had to call my mother because my Granny couldn't do it without crying. I never saw a tear. She hid them from me so I wouldn't be scared.

If I can be half the mother, half the woman my Granny has been in my life, I will consider myself to have accomplished something great. She is the strongest woman I know, and the most true to herself. I know that as her years add up, she won't be with us forever, and it saddens me to think that my children might not have her in their lives when they're old enough to appreciate how wonderful she truly is. I hope that if the time comes someday, I can do her justice in the stories I tell about how amazing she has been in my life.