The Idiot’s Guide To Everyday Life


Dallas…. among other things
26.Jun.06, 17:03 pm
Filed under: Goals, Hopes, Plans

I met some of the most wonderful people on Saturday while I was visiting Sara in my future home (Dallas). I swear, Oklahoma is completely full of losers (except for me and my kids of course, lmao).

I cannot breathe here. Oklahoma stifles me, I can't think, I can't be creative here. There is no culture. There are no big cities, it is just a clusterfuck of rednecks and small towns all shoved together in one place. I'll be so happy to be gone.

I love Dale, honestly, but I am wondering if I love him enough to deal with this anymore. We want different things. We have different goals. Well, I have goals, he says he does, but then does nothing about them. He wants to do something with his art, he wants to have a gallery showing, or own a studio, or anything, but he will NEVER do that here. There is no market for his art in OKC. Never will be. The con's are the only place he'd be welcome with it, or comic book stores. And he doesn't even make an effort to make contacts for his work. He bitches about his deadend job, but does nothing to look for more. He will be perfectly happy to live here under his mother's thumb for the rest of his life. I refuse to be that way.

In some ways, Dale is very open minded. When he was in his early to mid 20s he was heavy into the drug/party scene. He is open minded when it comes to drugs and drinking, etc. I have gay friends, and they like to hang out in the gayberhood, and he turns up his nose at the thought of it. I can't stand narrowmindedness like that. What right does he have, just because he's straight, to downplay someone else's choices for happiness? At least they're being who they are, and not just sitting on their asses doing nothing! His friends barely even come around or call him!!!

I just want to be me. I can't be me here. I want a life, and I never leave the house here. I need to get out on my own and find some peace. I will never have that if I stay in this relationship, in this city, in this fucking state.

I'm ready to go. Just gotta find a job and then get my shit.

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