The Idiot’s Guide To Everyday Life


Mixed Emotions
5.Feb.07, 23:04 pm
Filed under: Tidbits About My Life

If you’ve read my recent post Part of What Makes Me Who I Am then you’ll understand a little bit about my current dilemma: my step-thing had what the doctors think is a minor heart attack last Thursday night and has pneumonia on top of it which has landed him in the cardio ICU at Norman Regional Hospital.

I hate my step-thing with everything that I am. That being said, I love my mother. No matter what that bastard has done to me, I am trying to be there for my mother, regardless of the fact that I think their marriage is based more on Stockholm Syndrome than love. He’s used her for 20+ years and will until the day he dies which will hopefully be sooner than later. The only good thing he will do for this planet will be to leave it.

I went to the hospital to visit my step-thing Friday afternoon. I was really looking for my mom to see if there was anything I could do to ease her burden in having to care for him, like going to her house to do a light cleaning, maybe make some meals and put in the freezer for her so she wouldn’t have to cook, etc, but she wasn’t there. I was there for about 45 minutes before she came in, during which time I learned that his own daughters, who he has bent-over-backwards for years to help out, haven’t even bothered to get off their asses and go visit him or try to help out. My mother has done it ALL.

This is where my mixed emotions come in. I CANNOT and WILL NOT forgive the bastard for everything he’s done to me. On the other hand, I kind of felt sorry for the man when his own spoiled, self-absorbed daughters didn’t even bother to go see him. My mother told me it’s probably better that they didn’t, because they’d end up being bitches and she’d probably just get pissed off and kick them out of the ICU anyway, but they can’t seem to ever bother to lift a finger when it comes to taking care of their dying father. My mother, who works 12 hour days, does clinical instructing 2 days a week, takes a class of her own one night a week, and then works every other weekend, meanwhile driving an hour each way to get to these places, has to do it ALL. She has to take time out of her schedule to take him to the doctor, because he WON’T go to doctors in their hometown, even though he has thus far refused to let her sell her house and move them to the city. (She has finally taken away his vote, they’re moving ASAP.)

I guess it’s the maturing with age thing, but it’s still a weird feeling, not knowing where my hatred for him ends and the love and care for my mother begins. Maybe I’ll never know.

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