The Idiot’s Guide To Everyday Life

Reliving the past
29.Jul.07, 23:52 pm
Filed under: Tidbits About My Life

I find myself lately reliving moments from my teen years – mostly the early days of college. I’ve gotten in touch with old friends again who I haven’t spoken to in eons and it makes me stop and reminisce about what might have been and if only.

I sometimes have to wonder about the road not taken. If I hadn’t messed up, if I’d gone to class and finished my degree and gone on to teach. If I had gone to OU instead of USAO. If I had never gotten married and had ended up with someone else.

I think when it comes down to it, our choices and our mistakes and all of the multitudes of experiences we have throughout our lives, both good and bad, lead us to where we are and who we are. If I had not gone to USAO, I would not have met some of the truly amazing friends I still have now. If I had not gone through a series of bad relationships and made some of my mistakes I would never have learned to be as strong as I am. If I hadn’t gone through my crappy marriage, I wouldn’t have my two wonderful children and I would never have moved to Germany to meet some amazing people there.

What I can do now is look ahead. I’ve gotten in touch with so many old friends through the internet and have been able to rekindle those friendships and learn about the lives and stories of these people who went on to pursue their own goals and dreams. Some of them had their dreams come true, some did not, but they each have their own story to tell. I am blessed to have each and every person in my life and I feel grateful for those who I can call my truest friends.

Bryan, Wendy, Manu, Sara, those who I know and love. You are not merely friends, you are family. I don’t know what I’d do without you to listen to me bs, to anchor me when my head is in the clouds, to hold me up when I’m at my lowest. Thank you for being there for me when I’ve needed you. Thank you for being my family, when my own family has not.


Summer flew by so fast
27.Jul.07, 18:42 pm
Filed under: My Munchkins, Our Little Nest, Tidbits About My Life

I can’t believe it’s almost time for the kids to go back to school. Three weeks from now my little princess will be starting “pre-clowndergarten” for the first time. She’s got a Hello Kitty backpack, and several new outfits, and new shoes, and all of her school supplies  – it was WW3 trying to get her to stay out of the play-doh until Bryan bought her some she could play with at home. She said she didn’t want to go to Clowndergarten because she isn’t clown, but she said she’d go to pre-clowndergarten, so I guess we’re ok.

Jaden will be going into 3rd grade. I’m so proud of my little man. I remember when he was born and was so tiny. The nurses would take him out of the incubator wrapped in a towel for us to hold. Blankets engulfed him. He weighed only 4 lbs, and I always worried I’d break him. He’s now 4’1″ and weighs 50 lbs, and has a head made out of solid granite. He’s going to be taller than me before he’s a teenager, and he’s so very smart. I know he’s going to do great things in his life.

I am very lucky to have two such amazing children. They are my entire world. I hope this schoolyear brings as many blessings as it does challenges, and I hope that they can both learn to their full potential. Life really does seem brighter through their eyes, and I hope they never lose that spark.

Brass Balls
24.Jul.07, 15:46 pm
Filed under: My Munchkins, Rants

Apparently the ex thinks that the judge’s order of supervised visitation just doesn’t apply to him. He was just planning on NOT following it.

I called the ex yesterday because this coming weekend is supposed to be his weekend with the kids, but I don’t think he’s gone to the required parenting class, so I didn’t know if he’d be having the visit. He told me, “Well Crisco and the kids are here so the house is crowded so I was just going to wait until we got our place before I had them again.” Um, hello. Not gonna happen.

I told him, “You know you can’t take the kids to your house. You have supervised visitation.” Silence. “Did you hear me?”

“Yes, but I’m not going to put my mother through that.”

Unbelievable. I told him, “You don’t have a choice, the judge ordered supervised visitation, and you can’t just not follow the order.”

“I’d like to know how the judge did that when DHS didn’t find anything when they investigated.”

Ok, when DHS investigated, they told me they had concerns. Not that their paperwork had any bearing on the choice to order supervised visitation. I filed for divorce in February. He was served with papers and his summons told him he had 20 days to contest. He didn’t do it. I didn’t even go to court after the 20 days was up, I filed more papers, and my attorney served him with copies of a new ammended petition. The new summons gave him ANOTHER 20 days to file a motion to contest. He knew from day ONE that I was asking for supervised visitation, if he bothered to read the papers as he claimed he did. During the entire 5 months between the day I filed and the day I went to court, despite all his bitching and moaning, he never filed a single motion. If he didn’t like what I asked for, it was up to him to contest. Problem is, he NEVER gets off his ass for anything. He just bitches about it and says how unfair life is. Well, guess what. It’s his own fault.

Now, he thinks he’s just going to skate by and pick up the kids and have an unsupervised visit because HE wants to. Not going to happen. I asked his mother before I filed for divorce if she’d mind supervising his visits. She said she didn’t mind at all. She gets to see the kids this way too. I asked her again today if she had a problem with it. She said no. This was done for HIS benefit. If he doesn’t want to “put his mother through this” then he can just go to the state-certified mediation center and pay a monthly fee and have his 2 hr visits in a sterile office environment, with no overnights and state-approved mediator in the room at all times. I’m not going to cave just because he thinks it’s unfair. What was unfair was finding out from my son that my daughter had been molested by his gf’s child while in their house, because THEY weren’t watching the demonspawn. I won’t allow his disgusting lifestyle choices to influence my children, as they have apparently influenced hers. If he is unwilling to have his visits with his mother, who doesn’t have a problem with him doing it, then he can just suck it up and go to the mediation center or NOT have visits at all. It’s his choice. I’m not keeping the kids from him, I’m just keeping them safe when they ARE with him.

I now bequeath to thee…
10.Jul.07, 17:53 pm
Filed under: Friends & Fam, Our Little Nest, Tidbits About My Life

Now that the divorce is final, it’s time to update my will. I don’t have much to leave to anyone other than my life insurance policy, which goes to my children. I guess the only hard question is, if I die, who do I want to raise my children?

I know I don’t want the ex to raise my kids. I don’t agree with the disgusting lifestyle choices he’s making, and I certainly don’t want Crisco anywhere near the kids, much less to have a hand in raising them. Look at how HER brat has turned out. I also know that there isn’t a single person in my family that I would trust whole-heartedly with my children. The person I had chosen, my best friend, is now having health problems and cannot be the first person in line to care for them. She will still be the alternate, but I need a stable, trustworthy person, who would love them as though they were their own and care for them the way I believe they should be. I want that person to hold similar ideals in parenting that I do, and believe that a child should be able to express themself to their utmost ability while still respecting those around them.

This is a hard decision, and really puts into perspective the relationships you have with those around you. I hope that I can come to a decision soon, as you never know what hand fate will deal to you, or what waits around the corner.

The wait is over.
3.Jul.07, 13:26 pm
Filed under: Friends & Fam, My Munchkins

Apparently, the ex and Crisco were biding their time until the divorce was final. The day the judge signed off, she decided she was moving back here in a week and a half. He’d better plan on NOT having her or her son around my children. After what her son did to my daughter, I will not hesitate to file a restraining order. And NO, I DO NOT think that is over-reacting.

My children are everything to me, and I will do anything I have to to protect them from people like the ones that the ex is so intent on bringing into his life. I will not allow his lifestyle choices to influence my children.

Finally Final
2.Jul.07, 08:51 am
Filed under: Goals, Tidbits About My Life

I’m officially divorced!!

 It’s been three years in the making. After trying to get help from Legal Aid for 2 1/2 years, I finally gave up and filed everything myself. When he didn’t like what I’d filed, he claimed he was going to get Legal Aid to look over the papers on his behalf. Fat chance, when they were so overworked and understaffed they weren’t TAKING divorce cases!

Just to be on the safe side, I looked up other pro bono options, and the only other thing I found was the University of Oklahoma Legal Clinic. They have a pro bono program where bar-certified interns who are near graduation are supervised by staff attorneys and can represent actual clients. I wrote to them with information on my case, and showed them what I’d already filed, and they called me the very next day (unlike Legal Aid who sent a denial letter a month later). They had me in the office in 2 days and assigned my case to someone who could help me.

We filed an ammended petition, because I had done everything I needed to EXCEPT putting in custody in the actual petition. It took a month to get him served because he refused to pick up the certified mail my attorney sent, just prolonging the inevitable. After he was served, he had 20 days to contest. After all of his griping and complaining, he didn’t even bother to file a SINGLE PAPER with the court!!!  After the 20 days the case was transferred from Judge Foss, the judge who hears contested divorces, to Judge Lucas, who hears the uncontested. He happened to be out of the office all week, and didn’t reschedule our hearing, so my attorney made quick arrangements and had Judge Gaston hear our case. It took all of 5 minutes. He granted everything I asked for. I didn’t ask for anything unreasonable, and the kids will now be taken care of.

He now has court-ordered supervised visitation. He can have either his mother or another agreed-upon third party there. This will make sure that nothing like the “Andrew Incident” happens again. That little demon will not come anywhere near my children. If my ex can’t be bothered with protecting them, then I will get someone else to make sure he does. The judge also said he will be restricted from visitation until he attends the necessary parenting class for divorcing parents of minor children. It’s required by the state, and I attended the weekend after I filed, he’s known since February, so he has no excuse. Hopefully he’ll go soon. Just one more hurdle.