The Idiot’s Guide To Everyday Life

Make up your damn mind.
29.Nov.07, 15:38 pm
Filed under: Plans, Rants

Everytime we have an argument Dale reminds me that at anytime he could call his Mommy and have me and my children thrown out on the street. He’s such an adult.

Sunday when we fought, he told me he’d give me until the end of the school year to get my own place. I didn’t go into specifics on why I needed until then, but he agreed to it. Today, of course, when we had another tiff, he brought up his usual threat and told me to be looking for my place asap, and I’d better be out within a month after I have my own vehicle and job. He told me that since money was my main problem that I wouldn’t have to pay bills here the last month before I moved. I told him flat out, if he was kicking me out, I wasn’t going to pay another dime toward his bills. They are all in his name anyway. To this, he retaliated by saying that if I wasn’t going to pay the bills, I couldn’t use the stove or refrigerator anymore. I told him my name is on the lease here, he can’t kick me out yet. His mother could evict me from the house if she chose to, but it’d take a judge to sign off on the eviction and order me out, which would take a month or more.

 He eventually calmed down and said I could wait another month or two, until early April. At this point I began showing him my reasoning behind waiting until May. I’m moving out of state. I’m not staying here. There is no job market in Oklahoma City, especially if you don’t have a degree. In order for me to move, I am going to have to save up quite a bit for first and last month’s rent and a deposit on an apt, utility deposits, and money for food, gas, bills and necessities until I can get a job and get on my feet after I move.

In order for me to save that amount, I’m going to have to work for at least 3 to 4 months and not touch a dime of my cs/a money. December is pretty much shot since we still need to shop for Christmas. January is at least halfway shot because I have to pay for the repairs and parts and insurance on the vehicle I’m trying to acquire. So starting the end of January, early February I’ll actually be able to start saving. If I save for three months, that already puts me in mid to late April.

If I take Jaden out of school at the beginning of the last month of school, he’s going to be completely lost in a new place. He’s in Special Ed. He has severe ADHD. The teachers and principal at his school know him because he’s been there since Kindergarten. They know how to deal with him. They work with me on his behavior issues. Yes, he’s got an IEP that lays out how we are going to work with him on educational issues, but these people KNOW him. A new school wouldn’t. Plus, it would take time for a new school to be able to assess him and know what he is capable of. There’s no way he’d be able to go to a new school for the last month of the school year and survive. They’d throw him into a regular classroom and expect him to work at their level. That’s not fair to him. If I allow him to finish out the school year in a familiar environment, he’ll have the entire summer to be tested and assessed and to prepare to start school in a new place.

If I’m waiting until April anyway, why can’t he just give me one more month? We’ve lived together for 4 years, so I don’t see what waiting until the kids finish school would hurt on his part.

His reason for wanting me out faster: his planned roommate, who is 38 and has been living with his parents for 2+ years, is looking for his own place, and he is afraid he would get into a lease and not be able to move in here with him, so he’d be stuck having to pay the rent and bills here on his own. He should have thought about that before he decided to kick me out. My first priority is my children.


Preparations underway
28.Nov.07, 21:43 pm
Filed under: Goals, Hopes, Plans

I began my annual budget spreadsheet for 2008. I listed the average expenses for the first 6 months of the year here, and estimated expenditures for gas, car insurance, oil changes, and other misc. expenses. I estimated income for Dale for January – May, and my income based on minimum wage (though I’ll be making more). This will give me an idea of how much I’ll be able to spend on bills and necessities while saving to move.

I also began a quick-list basic inventory of my belongings. This will tell me how much stuff I’ll have to move, and what basic items I’ll need to purchase or acquire somehow before or after I go. So far, I’ll need living room furniture and a bed for myself. I have living room furniture here, but it’s been through hell here, the recliner is broken, and I don’t even want to attempt to get that couch out of here. Dale can keep it. I’ll find something else. It’s not worth the trouble.

I’ve found a local furniture store with a special on microfiber, a couch and loveseat for $599, but that’s just more to have to move eventually. I’d rather just wait if I’m going to end up buying new. If I found something free or next to free, however, I’d take it.

Six months and counting. I can do this. I will survive, my kids will be fine. We’ll get through this and come out on the other side better than we are now. I finally have a way to give them a better life and a solid plan to make it happen.

Just Breathe… it will all be over soon.
28.Nov.07, 09:08 am
Filed under: Hopes, My Munchkins, Our Little Nest, Rants

This weekend was a bit chaotic. Thanksgiving was also Dale’s birthday. He had to work so he planned to have friends over on Saturday. Not a problem. I knew there would be alcohol involved so I took the kids and spent the night at my mom’s.

I came home on Sunday a little past noon to find Dale and Derek in the living room, so hungover they still couldn’t turn the lights on, playing video games. My mop bucket was sitting in the middle of the living room floor, which I found odd. Dale explained that Derek had already gotten sick once because he was so drunk, so he’d cleaned him up and left the bucket there in case he did it again. Disgusting.

Apparently Derek was the only friend of his who bothered to show up – typical. Between the two of them they polished off an entier 5th of Cuervo Black Medallion, Seagram’s 7, and who knows what else. Knowing how bad it affects my asthma, Dale also decided it wouldn’t be a big deal if they smoked in the house all night. It reeked. I could barely breathe when I walked in the door, and the kids hated it.

For the life of him, Dale couldn’t understand why I was in a bad mood. By 8 o’clock that evening, he was still hung over, still couldn’t understand why I couldn’t just “calm down and get over it”. He started a pity party saying, ‘This is why I can’t have friends over, because you get pissed and throw a fit.” As though his own actions had nothing to do with me being upset!!!

I have to live here too. I don’t like having to cough and sputter just to sit in the living room. I don’t like my children having to live with that smoke still lingering in the house. His mother can be a disgusting chimney if she wants to be in her house, I won’t have it in mine. That’s one of the reasons I don’t go over there!

We ended up getting into a huge screaming match over that and many other issues, but of course it was just me being a bitch in his eyes. It couldn’t have anything to do with the fact that he’s a selfish asshole who thinks of nobody else, especially if there’s alcohol to be had. If he’s drunk, he just uses it as an excuse. “I didn’t want to disturb the neighbors by being loud if I went outside since we were drunk”. As loud as the volume was turned up on the speakers on my computer, he was probably already disturbing them from inside the house. It had nothing to do with the neighbors. He just didn’t want to step outside in the cold. He wanted to be a drunk, lazy bastard. He just used being drunk as an excuse all over again. As though it should excuse that he fucked up. It doesn’t.

Just 6 more months. I can hold out 6 more months for the sake of my kids so I can save up the money to move out. I can survive this.

Bah Humbug
23.Nov.07, 14:15 pm
Filed under: Friends & Fam, Holidays

Thanksgiving was fairly decent in and of itself. I took the kids to my aunt Margo’s house and we had a nice dinner with 5 generations of our family – 25 of our closest relatives. It was pretty good.

Unfortunately, my aunt and mother decided to plan Christmas dinner at the same time. Because my aunt and uncle are going to be out of town for the weekend just prior to Christmas, they want to have our family gathering on Saturday the 15th. I tried to tell them I would be out of town on that weekend, I already had plans made a month ago, and can’t change my tickets. They just looked at me like I was speaking Japanese, and kept planning. It has to be planned around everyone else’s schedules, but who gives a damn that I can’t make it? Not a one of them apparently. Thus reinforcing my belief that I’m officially the black sheep of our family.

I can’t go to STL the weekend before, because my mother will be graduating from Grad School on the 8th. I can’t go the week after because it’s the weekend before Christmas, which is when the entire rest of civilization will be having their family gatherings, like normal ppl. So my only option is to skip Christmas this year. Guess I’ll just have to hear about it from Dale and the kids.

21.Nov.07, 21:25 pm
Filed under: Plans

I swear, flourescent lights over fitting rooms should be outlawed.

I went shopping today. I tried on jeans and a sweater. Not such a bad thing in and of itself. The mirror, on the other hand, decided to ruin my week. Flourescent lights over a full-length mirror when you’re standing in a 3 ft square space in your underwear is never a good idea. The combination shows, in great detail, every bulge, every imperfection, everything you don’t want to think about on yourself.

I’ve recently lost about 20 lbs. I think I found it when I looked in the mirror today. I’ve been doing so well. I’ve cut back on my portions, I’ve been eating healthier, and cut WAY back on carbs, I’ve even been exercising and doing some mild weight training. It’s not enough, apparently.

I don’t know what else to do, but this just made all of my hard work feel worthless. I’m going to go drown my tears in Yellow Tail Shiraz now.

What to do?
19.Nov.07, 12:31 pm
Filed under: My Munchkins, Our Little Nest, Rants

Before school began I bought Jaden a nice pair of Skechers. He wore then ONCE and lost one of them. He had an older pair of shoes, still in decent shape. I told him he would wear them until they either fell apart or he found the new ones. He then proceeded to destroy the old ones a little at a time. By the beginning of last week, the soles were flopping from them as he’d walk, and he never tied them so the laces were dragging everywhere, and he wouldn’t even wear socks with them. He did this to earn sympathy from the teachers and staff at school. Apparently it worked.

Thursday he came home with a new pair of shoes and a bag of socks that 2 of his teachers had bought for him.

I was completely embarrassed. It’s not that I won’t buy my son new things when he needs them. It’s a matter of principle. I’m trying to get him to learn the value of what he’s given and to respect his belongings, and to respect me. If he’s simply handed new things everytime he loses or destroys something, what lesson is he learning? Not everything in life is disposable. You have to take care of what you have or you don’t deserve new things. It’s not that I couldn’t afford them. I just didn’t buy them because I wanted him to find the ones I spent good money on in the first place.

Jaden obviously told his teachers I was embarrassed by the situation. This morning, I received an email from one of the teachers who bought the shoes. He said, ‘Angela, don’t be embarrassed by the shoes. We were just trying to help out, because we know you’re going to school and trying to make a better life for your kids. Things are hard, and we’ve been there. We also put your kids on the Christmas list for another class. We’re glad to help.”

This just adds to the problem. I replied, and explained the situation. Jaden has got to learn that he can’t get away with this lying and manipulation. I’m at my wit’s end with him. The teacher replied and apologized for not asking me before he bought the shoes, he didn’t know the situation. I completely understood there, and I appreciated them being kind and thoughtful for their students, but at the same time, he had a talk with Jaden and let him know that we will be in contact daily via email and he cannot continue to lie to us. Hopefully together we can put enough pressure on him to help change his current behavior patterns.

I’ve tried talking to him, yelling at him, grounding, giving extra chores, spanking, taking away privileges, taking away sports, cancelling outings and activities he wanted to go on. NOTHING helps. I don’t know what to do anymore. His father has nothing to do with us, so it’s not like he’s got a dad to help drill the need for self responsibility into his head. I just don’t know what else to do. I need something drastic to make him listen for once in his life. 2 years ago I tried making him spend a night in the local youth shelter to see what happens to kids when their parents can’t control them. Problem was, they had an xbox and movie night. He saw it as a vacation. I don’t know anything else to try. I won’t send my kid away. I won’t be my mother. I just need help.

Back to normal…
11.Nov.07, 20:23 pm
Filed under: Friends & Fam, Hopes

Thankfully, everything has worked out.

Emotions run high in people, and where more people are involved in the conversation, but not all together, there comes confusion. Apparently, the confusion can dredge up other issues, but luckily, with time and discussion, they can be solved.

 Now the wait is on…..