The Idiot’s Guide To Everyday Life


What to do?
19.Nov.07, 12:31 pm
Filed under: My Munchkins, Our Little Nest, Rants

Before school began I bought Jaden a nice pair of Skechers. He wore then ONCE and lost one of them. He had an older pair of shoes, still in decent shape. I told him he would wear them until they either fell apart or he found the new ones. He then proceeded to destroy the old ones a little at a time. By the beginning of last week, the soles were flopping from them as he’d walk, and he never tied them so the laces were dragging everywhere, and he wouldn’t even wear socks with them. He did this to earn sympathy from the teachers and staff at school. Apparently it worked.

Thursday he came home with a new pair of shoes and a bag of socks that 2 of his teachers had bought for him.

I was completely embarrassed. It’s not that I won’t buy my son new things when he needs them. It’s a matter of principle. I’m trying to get him to learn the value of what he’s given and to respect his belongings, and to respect me. If he’s simply handed new things everytime he loses or destroys something, what lesson is he learning? Not everything in life is disposable. You have to take care of what you have or you don’t deserve new things. It’s not that I couldn’t afford them. I just didn’t buy them because I wanted him to find the ones I spent good money on in the first place.

Jaden obviously told his teachers I was embarrassed by the situation. This morning, I received an email from one of the teachers who bought the shoes. He said, ‘Angela, don’t be embarrassed by the shoes. We were just trying to help out, because we know you’re going to school and trying to make a better life for your kids. Things are hard, and we’ve been there. We also put your kids on the Christmas list for another class. We’re glad to help.”

This just adds to the problem. I replied, and explained the situation. Jaden has got to learn that he can’t get away with this lying and manipulation. I’m at my wit’s end with him. The teacher replied and apologized for not asking me before he bought the shoes, he didn’t know the situation. I completely understood there, and I appreciated them being kind and thoughtful for their students, but at the same time, he had a talk with Jaden and let him know that we will be in contact daily via email and he cannot continue to lie to us. Hopefully together we can put enough pressure on him to help change his current behavior patterns.

I’ve tried talking to him, yelling at him, grounding, giving extra chores, spanking, taking away privileges, taking away sports, cancelling outings and activities he wanted to go on. NOTHING helps. I don’t know what to do anymore. His father has nothing to do with us, so it’s not like he’s got a dad to help drill the need for self responsibility into his head. I just don’t know what else to do. I need something drastic to make him listen for once in his life. 2 years ago I tried making him spend a night in the local youth shelter to see what happens to kids when their parents can’t control them. Problem was, they had an xbox and movie night. He saw it as a vacation. I don’t know anything else to try. I won’t send my kid away. I won’t be my mother. I just need help.

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