Filed under: Tidbits About My Life
The way we view ourself is said to be skewed. We see the imperfections masking the truth. We see what we like and what we dislike magnified a thousand times bigger than anyone else. Anyone can tell you I have a big problem with my weight. I have had a low self-esteem because of it for years. I’ve lost 40 lbs in the last six months, but I honestly can’t see much of a change. I don’t know if it’s because I look in the mirror everyday and the gradual shift hasn’t been as noticeable or what, but even going down two sizes in clothes hasn’t seemed like much to me.
I think the biggest place that this issue comes up is when it comes to meeting men or being around a guy I like. I have been rejected before because of my weight, not long before the major dieting started, and now I forever see myself in that light. I have a hard time believing that anyone could care about me or see me as anything other than “the fat girl” they could never really be interested in. No matter what they tell me. And when someone close to that person tells me repeatedly out of sheer cruelty that they are only “saying sweet things to me so they don’t hurt my feelings” then it brings all of these feelings to the surface all over again and I start second-guessing the situation yet again.
Is there a cure for the paranoia? Is there a cure for the depression? Is there a cure for the self-loathing I feel right now? If so, can someone point me in that direction?
—————-
Now playing: Duncan Sheik – Wishful Thinking
via FoxyTunes
1 Comment so far
Leave a comment
The Idiot's Guide To Everyday Life 
Do you have any old pictures you could look at? A side by side comparison might help drive home how far you’ve come (which is amazing by the way). Other then that, it’s really hard to change our internal notion of how we look. I’m not sure how to go about doing it, but I think it must need to be gradual. It sounds like you should be due for some positive reinforcement from the people around you.
Comment by Zack 9.Apr.08 @ 17:18 pm