The Idiot’s Guide To Everyday Life

A-moving we shall go
11.Oct.08, 20:53 pm
Filed under: Goals, Hopes, My Munchkins, Our Little Nest, Tidbits About My Life, Work

So tonight makes one week that I’ve been in the new apartment, and I’m loving it. I don’t have to deal with Dale at all. The kids and I cook dinner and eat together at the table every night then we clean up and do the dishes, before the kids take turns on who goes first taking their baths. I’m 2 miles from my mother and, in the other direction, a mile and a half from work. I have 2 grocery stores between here and work, and a branch office of my bank next to both of them. My children’s school is half a block away. The school has a Latchkey program that the kids get to stay at in lieu of daycare until I get off work that is cheaper than regular daycare, and they love it. We’re mostly unpacked, just a few boxes left to go through and a few minor things at the old house to pick up tomorrow, but it’s all coming together nicely. I even have new RED furniture!!! It’s so pretty!

I started my new job 2 1/2 weeks ago. I’m the paralegal for the Law Center of Oklahoma. It’s absolutely amazing!! I love what I do, and it’s the job I’ve always wanted. This is what I’ve been going to school for, and the experience I get here will help me get an even better job years down the road when I’ve finished school and decided where I want to spend the rest of my life. Life is going so well for us right now.

And then of course there’s the wonderful man in my life. Right now it’s a long-distance relationship, but we do the best we can, talking several times a day, and chatting all night. He’s the best thing to happen to me in a very long time. He makes me want to be a better me. He inspires me everyday to try harder and to be a better person, a better mother to my children, and a better employee at work. He brings out the best in me in so many ways. He’s so special. I truly adore him.

I will have a good life. I know this. I believe it. Things are working out for my children and I, and I will make them work, because I know that this is MY life now, I am not depending on ANYONE else, I am only relying on ME now, and I’m going to give us a great future.


My Baby’s first day of school
14.Aug.08, 14:46 pm
Filed under: My Munchkins

So my baby isn’t so much a baby anymore. She’s now entered the ranks of the school-aged. Today was Jocelyn’s first day of Kindergarten.

She got up and was excited in her pokladot-enfused handkerchief dress, and pretty pink slippers. She had her backpack and extra bag of supplies, and was ready to go, only to have to wait until the afternoon class. She came to work with me in the morning and played in the office, and then I took her for a happy meal at lunch time before taking her to meet her class at 12:45. She was excited, but I could tell just a little nervous as she gave me hugs and kisses twice. But, she put on a brave face and turned around and sat on the step with the rest of the kids like a big girl. I knew she’d be ok.

Sure enough, when time came to pick her up, she was beaming. She raised her hand in the line to tell her teacher I was there, and told me she had “So much fun!” They read a book about racoons called “The Kissing Hands” and even made a picture of their handprints for their moms. I took hers out of her backpack and will put it aside to look at when she’s bigger and doesn’t want to give me pretty hugs and kisses when I drop her off anymore.

Sad to say, but I know that day will come all too soon.

Jaden started the fourth grade today. He’s happy to be going back to all of his friends. I guess it’s not as exciting when you’ve done it 5 times, but he was still ready to head out bright and early this morning and managed to make it out the door with only a minor hiccup – when he tried to act like he couldn’t tie his own shoes at 9 yrs of age! We’ll see what happens when he makes it home in a few minutes!

The parties are over…
19.May.08, 14:40 pm
Filed under: Friends & Fam, My Munchkins, Rants, Tidbits About My Life

My children both had birthday parties this weekend. This is the first year we didn’t have a single party for both of them and I’m really wishing we’d just stuck to that, but they’re getting old enough that they don’t want to combine them anymore.

I am completely exhausted, and BROKE.

My son’s party was low-key – we had pizza and cupcakes here and then he and his best friend got to go see Speed Racer at the new Warren Theater down the street. They loved it. Not many ppl came, but those who did enjoyed themselves.

Josie’s party, on the other hand, was a time-consuming ordeal. We had a tea-party at my mom’s house. I arranged for a teapot-shaped cake and made chicken salad sandwiches on mini-croissants, and we had a veggie tray, cheese cubes, fresh fruit, and chips with pink lemonade and tea. Everyone loved it, and there were three sets of grandparents and one set of great-grandparents there.

Both kids made out like bandits with clothes, and Jaden got a new razor scooter, Josie got a toy laptop. They both loved their gifts, and they both needed the clothes badly.

My ex showed up for Jaden’s party for 45 minutes and then left before we even ate. He didn’t show up for Josie’s at all. His mother showed up with her sister and Jeff’s other child. WTF??? Bringing my ex’s bastard kid that was fathered while he was still married to me to my child’s bday party??? HE needed to be at her party, not this other “sister”. There is a time and a place to facilitate relationships between half-siblings. Her birthday party is not one of those. I understand that to his mother, these are just her two grand-daughters. Not to me. He never sees Josie. This should have been a special day for HER. This should have been the one day out of the year that she didn’t have to compete for her father’s attention and affection. Instead, he skipped her altogether.

He’s a deadbeat of the worst sort. Yes, he pays child support, but that’s not where the line of parental responsibility ends. He never sees the kids. Rare occasions when his mother has them overnight (once every 3 to 6 months) when she coerces him into coming over for an hour or two does not constitute a parental relationship.

When I got home he was on messenger, so I asked him point blank, “Why didn’t you come to Josie’s party?” He never replied. He knows he’s a worthless tool. He has nothing to say for himself. That’s ok, it says something that the kids weren’t heartbroken when he left early and never showed up. They’re used to him not being around. They’re better off without him. What a sad thing to have to say about a “parent”.

And when the wind blows….
2.Mar.08, 21:44 pm
Filed under: My Munchkins, Tidbits About My Life

This weekend has been absolutely beautiful. The weather was so gorgeous all day yesterday I didn’t want to be inside.

Unfortunately, Jaden had a mild fever all day, and was laying around, so we all stayed inside. Today he seems to be feeling better, still has a slight fever, but is well enough to be ornery. I just had to wash his mouth out with soap. His newest favorite saying is, “Holy CRAP!” It isn’t truly cussing, I know, but it’s close enough that I wouldn’t want my grandmother to hear it.

Hopefully we won’t have to use too much soap on him. Other than not bathing himself and changing clothes when told, he was a pretty decent kid this weekend. I just don’t know what has been going wrong with him lately, but it’s getting rough. He doesn’t seem to want to listen at all. It’s pretty bad when you can’t get an 8-year-old boy to take a bath, wash his hair, and put on clean underwear without lying to you and telling you he did, when his hair is beginning to mat underneath from dirt, and he picks up underwear out from under his bed and puts them on instead of getting a pair out of his drawer.

I’m really getting worried, and don’t know what else to do. I’ve been in touch with the school counselor, and am trying to get him into some sort of counseling program that may help. There is a local Guidance Center that the school behavioral specialist swears by, and hopefully we’ll be able to get into there soon. I just need some help with him. I won’t be my mother – I won’t send my child away. I don’t care how hard it is or how bad it gets. I will love him through this. I just need some help in the process.

Now, the rain is coming down in torrents and the wind is blowing strong. I am enjoying some peace in the dark, listening to some Nickelback, and relaxing for the night. Another weekend passes, and another week begins.

Just Breathe… it will all be over soon.
28.Nov.07, 09:08 am
Filed under: Hopes, My Munchkins, Our Little Nest, Rants

This weekend was a bit chaotic. Thanksgiving was also Dale’s birthday. He had to work so he planned to have friends over on Saturday. Not a problem. I knew there would be alcohol involved so I took the kids and spent the night at my mom’s.

I came home on Sunday a little past noon to find Dale and Derek in the living room, so hungover they still couldn’t turn the lights on, playing video games. My mop bucket was sitting in the middle of the living room floor, which I found odd. Dale explained that Derek had already gotten sick once because he was so drunk, so he’d cleaned him up and left the bucket there in case he did it again. Disgusting.

Apparently Derek was the only friend of his who bothered to show up – typical. Between the two of them they polished off an entier 5th of Cuervo Black Medallion, Seagram’s 7, and who knows what else. Knowing how bad it affects my asthma, Dale also decided it wouldn’t be a big deal if they smoked in the house all night. It reeked. I could barely breathe when I walked in the door, and the kids hated it.

For the life of him, Dale couldn’t understand why I was in a bad mood. By 8 o’clock that evening, he was still hung over, still couldn’t understand why I couldn’t just “calm down and get over it”. He started a pity party saying, ‘This is why I can’t have friends over, because you get pissed and throw a fit.” As though his own actions had nothing to do with me being upset!!!

I have to live here too. I don’t like having to cough and sputter just to sit in the living room. I don’t like my children having to live with that smoke still lingering in the house. His mother can be a disgusting chimney if she wants to be in her house, I won’t have it in mine. That’s one of the reasons I don’t go over there!

We ended up getting into a huge screaming match over that and many other issues, but of course it was just me being a bitch in his eyes. It couldn’t have anything to do with the fact that he’s a selfish asshole who thinks of nobody else, especially if there’s alcohol to be had. If he’s drunk, he just uses it as an excuse. “I didn’t want to disturb the neighbors by being loud if I went outside since we were drunk”. As loud as the volume was turned up on the speakers on my computer, he was probably already disturbing them from inside the house. It had nothing to do with the neighbors. He just didn’t want to step outside in the cold. He wanted to be a drunk, lazy bastard. He just used being drunk as an excuse all over again. As though it should excuse that he fucked up. It doesn’t.

Just 6 more months. I can hold out 6 more months for the sake of my kids so I can save up the money to move out. I can survive this.

What to do?
19.Nov.07, 12:31 pm
Filed under: My Munchkins, Our Little Nest, Rants

Before school began I bought Jaden a nice pair of Skechers. He wore then ONCE and lost one of them. He had an older pair of shoes, still in decent shape. I told him he would wear them until they either fell apart or he found the new ones. He then proceeded to destroy the old ones a little at a time. By the beginning of last week, the soles were flopping from them as he’d walk, and he never tied them so the laces were dragging everywhere, and he wouldn’t even wear socks with them. He did this to earn sympathy from the teachers and staff at school. Apparently it worked.

Thursday he came home with a new pair of shoes and a bag of socks that 2 of his teachers had bought for him.

I was completely embarrassed. It’s not that I won’t buy my son new things when he needs them. It’s a matter of principle. I’m trying to get him to learn the value of what he’s given and to respect his belongings, and to respect me. If he’s simply handed new things everytime he loses or destroys something, what lesson is he learning? Not everything in life is disposable. You have to take care of what you have or you don’t deserve new things. It’s not that I couldn’t afford them. I just didn’t buy them because I wanted him to find the ones I spent good money on in the first place.

Jaden obviously told his teachers I was embarrassed by the situation. This morning, I received an email from one of the teachers who bought the shoes. He said, ‘Angela, don’t be embarrassed by the shoes. We were just trying to help out, because we know you’re going to school and trying to make a better life for your kids. Things are hard, and we’ve been there. We also put your kids on the Christmas list for another class. We’re glad to help.”

This just adds to the problem. I replied, and explained the situation. Jaden has got to learn that he can’t get away with this lying and manipulation. I’m at my wit’s end with him. The teacher replied and apologized for not asking me before he bought the shoes, he didn’t know the situation. I completely understood there, and I appreciated them being kind and thoughtful for their students, but at the same time, he had a talk with Jaden and let him know that we will be in contact daily via email and he cannot continue to lie to us. Hopefully together we can put enough pressure on him to help change his current behavior patterns.

I’ve tried talking to him, yelling at him, grounding, giving extra chores, spanking, taking away privileges, taking away sports, cancelling outings and activities he wanted to go on. NOTHING helps. I don’t know what to do anymore. His father has nothing to do with us, so it’s not like he’s got a dad to help drill the need for self responsibility into his head. I just don’t know what else to do. I need something drastic to make him listen for once in his life. 2 years ago I tried making him spend a night in the local youth shelter to see what happens to kids when their parents can’t control them. Problem was, they had an xbox and movie night. He saw it as a vacation. I don’t know anything else to try. I won’t send my kid away. I won’t be my mother. I just need help.

Wolves 1-0
15.Sep.07, 12:49 pm
Filed under: My Munchkins

Jaden’s first soccer game went really well. His coach really helped keep the game on track. The kids had a great time and won 3-0. 

 The other team’s coach was a whiny little bitch who didn’t even tell her kids to guard the goal. She said, “I just want my kids to learn the basics and have fun, he’s making it too competitive.” Um, hello, if the other team is guarding their goal and keeps scoring on yours, put some kids in front of the damn goal!! She was bitching because he taught her kids how to throw in properly. How hard is it to tell a kid to stand with their feet on the ground, and use both hands to throw from over their heads? That’s something she should have taught her kids in their first practice. She also kept whining saying that it was ‘obvious some of the kids on the other team had played before when hers hadn’t at all’. 2 kids on our team had played before, out of all of them. We’d had 1 practice before the game, just like her team. With all of her whining, she did nothing to actually coach her kids. It seriously pissed me off just listening to her.

 Jaden is having a great time with soccer, and I’m glad he’s enjoying it. It was a beautiful day for a game, and there were lots of parents there to cheer them on. I hope this helps him feel good about himself.